Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
