tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
