so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
