its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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