Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
