Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
there was a trapeze. enough said
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
