Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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