He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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