Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
