i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
