yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
