Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
