Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
