Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
how does that bad decision feel?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
