i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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