i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
