I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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