I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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