yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
