You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
