I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
