Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
