I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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