i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
