living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I've blown a few things in my day
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
