tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
