I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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