it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
