...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
