Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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