I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
