apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
