my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
