if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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