Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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