; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
