you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm both gender and math confused
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
