after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
