put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
whose parrot is this?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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