Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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