And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
