You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
