I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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