I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
