"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
