the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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