I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
