first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
