tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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