i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
