I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
