I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
