Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You can't motorboat a personality
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
