Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
